"The day is as dark as the night is long."-Bono
I don't know how I feel about anything anymore....school,work,family,friends,music,comics,writing,politics,love.These things have just turned into mere fucking words.
Everything I've ever tried to accomplish, I've failed at it in some way or another.I mean theres NOTHING anywhere for me right now.....Everything that I've ever felt has been thrown away.
Everything that I've worked for has gotten me nowhere....I fell in love once and that love was ripped away from me by rejection.I formed two FANTASTIC friendships with my two best friends and they've seemed to have gone on to much bigger and better things than our friendships.All my Mom does all day is sit around with her fucking freeloading boyfriend and smoke cigarettes all goddamn day.
My Grandparents think that I'm crazy since their always in their bedroom having conversations about me and how much they think that I need help.One time,last year while my brother had brought his girlfriend's parents over to my grandparents' house for his Birthday Party, I walked in on my Grandmother saying "Lavonn is our favorite because, he's the first born." Trust me, I DO hear their conversations when I'm at their house.
I rarley see my Father and if I do then It's at least 6 months at a time when I DO, being that my parents are seperated.My Brother works all day then comes home with a attitude then he goes back to work at his night job.
I'm trying my hardest in School but it's getting me nowhere....I mean, I try and get some work done in school but all I'm really doing is wasting time since these fucking teachers won't grade me fairly and I am behind on my credits.
I'm trying to get some of my work published but everyone keeps telling me that I'm not old enough.I want to go to Film School and ditch my current School but the tuition is $10,000 which god only knows is that I would have to die before I can afford that!
I don't know anymore....It's like Trent Reznor said in "Hurt", "Everyone, I know goes away in the end."
You trully would not believe how much I can relate to that line at this current point in my life.
Everytime I try to get something done in my life, It's like "Fuck you." or "Go to hell."
Throughout my entire High School career so far, I've asked out three different girls and none of them EVER respond to me.Except one who said, "I'm busy for the next year."
And if you think that that was fucked up, try this one....I was starting to like another girl and on the day that I was about to ask her out, I overheard two of her friends saying that she had a two year old son so that overall destroyed my plans with asking her out.
"Why do I have this fucked up life, you ask?" The answer is, I don't even know.
Another example of my life would be this one time a few months ago when one of my classmates asked me to join his band and when I refused because I would rather work on my writing, he said "Why the fuck are you gonna waste your time with that STUPID shit?! It's not like your gonna get anywhere with it." and this is what I mean when I say, "I've lost all hope in everyone and everything."!
Another example would be last summer when my Mom kicked me out two days before my Birthday and accused me of "Breaking the chair with my fat ass!" as a result I had to walk 2 miles and spend the entire night in M.S.127's Park and sleep on the benches since she'd kicked me out during the middle of the night.
And you know something, It's things like that which happen to me quite often and the thing is, nobody minds insulting me like that....Everyone seems to think that It's okay!
I remember this one morning about a year ago, I was walking to school and when I stopped at this corner a School Bus was turning the corner and these little elementary kids who were on the bus started to throw broken pencils at me for no appearant reason.
But whatever....I also remember the first and hopfully the last time that I went to Red Bank-New Jersey and waited from 11:00 A.M. to 1:00A.M. the next day in 98 degree weather to meet Kevin Smith and when I actually got the chance to meet him, his asshole of a friend, Walt Flannigan (The guy in "Clerks" who smashes the eggs against the refridgerator.) wouldn't allow me to get all of my merchandise signed although the advertisment for the signing said "SIGNING ANY AND EVERYTHING" and on top of that, Flannigan tried to tell me that I wasn't allowed to get a picture with Kevin Smith but thank god for Kevin being the cool guy that he is and allowing me to also get a picture with him.Oh yeah....I forgot, and as a thanks to me for all my patience and restraint, I got stranded in NJ for eleven more hours thanks to my dedication to one of my heroes but in the end it is what is.
My point is that, My life sucks and I wouldn't wish this life on ANYBODY, because once you've got something good and your name is "DaiQuan Cain", trust me, It's damn sure not gonna last!
God would have done way better putting someone else on this fucking planet instead of me! That's just how I feel right now.
I don't know how I feel about anything anymore....school,work,family,friends,music,comics,writing,politics,love.These things have just turned into mere fucking words.
Everything I've ever tried to accomplish, I've failed at it in some way or another.I mean theres NOTHING anywhere for me right now.....Everything that I've ever felt has been thrown away.
Everything that I've worked for has gotten me nowhere....I fell in love once and that love was ripped away from me by rejection.I formed two FANTASTIC friendships with my two best friends and they've seemed to have gone on to much bigger and better things than our friendships.All my Mom does all day is sit around with her fucking freeloading boyfriend and smoke cigarettes all goddamn day.
My Grandparents think that I'm crazy since their always in their bedroom having conversations about me and how much they think that I need help.One time,last year while my brother had brought his girlfriend's parents over to my grandparents' house for his Birthday Party, I walked in on my Grandmother saying "Lavonn is our favorite because, he's the first born." Trust me, I DO hear their conversations when I'm at their house.
I rarley see my Father and if I do then It's at least 6 months at a time when I DO, being that my parents are seperated.My Brother works all day then comes home with a attitude then he goes back to work at his night job.
I'm trying my hardest in School but it's getting me nowhere....I mean, I try and get some work done in school but all I'm really doing is wasting time since these fucking teachers won't grade me fairly and I am behind on my credits.
I'm trying to get some of my work published but everyone keeps telling me that I'm not old enough.I want to go to Film School and ditch my current School but the tuition is $10,000 which god only knows is that I would have to die before I can afford that!
I don't know anymore....It's like Trent Reznor said in "Hurt", "Everyone, I know goes away in the end."
You trully would not believe how much I can relate to that line at this current point in my life.
Everytime I try to get something done in my life, It's like "Fuck you." or "Go to hell."
Throughout my entire High School career so far, I've asked out three different girls and none of them EVER respond to me.Except one who said, "I'm busy for the next year."
And if you think that that was fucked up, try this one....I was starting to like another girl and on the day that I was about to ask her out, I overheard two of her friends saying that she had a two year old son so that overall destroyed my plans with asking her out.
"Why do I have this fucked up life, you ask?" The answer is, I don't even know.
Another example of my life would be this one time a few months ago when one of my classmates asked me to join his band and when I refused because I would rather work on my writing, he said "Why the fuck are you gonna waste your time with that STUPID shit?! It's not like your gonna get anywhere with it." and this is what I mean when I say, "I've lost all hope in everyone and everything."!
Another example would be last summer when my Mom kicked me out two days before my Birthday and accused me of "Breaking the chair with my fat ass!" as a result I had to walk 2 miles and spend the entire night in M.S.127's Park and sleep on the benches since she'd kicked me out during the middle of the night.
And you know something, It's things like that which happen to me quite often and the thing is, nobody minds insulting me like that....Everyone seems to think that It's okay!
I remember this one morning about a year ago, I was walking to school and when I stopped at this corner a School Bus was turning the corner and these little elementary kids who were on the bus started to throw broken pencils at me for no appearant reason.
But whatever....I also remember the first and hopfully the last time that I went to Red Bank-New Jersey and waited from 11:00 A.M. to 1:00A.M. the next day in 98 degree weather to meet Kevin Smith and when I actually got the chance to meet him, his asshole of a friend, Walt Flannigan (The guy in "Clerks" who smashes the eggs against the refridgerator.) wouldn't allow me to get all of my merchandise signed although the advertisment for the signing said "SIGNING ANY AND EVERYTHING" and on top of that, Flannigan tried to tell me that I wasn't allowed to get a picture with Kevin Smith but thank god for Kevin being the cool guy that he is and allowing me to also get a picture with him.Oh yeah....I forgot, and as a thanks to me for all my patience and restraint, I got stranded in NJ for eleven more hours thanks to my dedication to one of my heroes but in the end it is what is.
My point is that, My life sucks and I wouldn't wish this life on ANYBODY, because once you've got something good and your name is "DaiQuan Cain", trust me, It's damn sure not gonna last!
God would have done way better putting someone else on this fucking planet instead of me! That's just how I feel right now.
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