"Everyone I know, goes away in the end."-Trent Reznor
A few days ago, I recieved some terrible news....my cousin was murdered.
But before I get into the details, let me tell you the story of how we grew up together.
It was around 1996 or 1997 when my Grandparents took him in from a foster home and made him apart of our family, from the very beginning, my brother and I considered him to be our "Cousin" although, we weren't blood relatives to him.
From that time on, over the next eight years or so, my brother and I kept getting closer and closer to him, all the way up to the point where it was almost impossible to keep the three of us apart from each other.
We'd went on at least 20 trips and vacations with him and he never seemed to become any less of a fun person throughout the entire time that I knew him.
He was a really funny guy....always playing pranks and making the craziest of jokes and although he had a rough time growing up, he always kept a sense of humor.
A few years ago, he'd moved out on his own, since he was considered a legal adult when he'd hit 18 and felt that he was ready to go at it alone.
Not long after that, he moved into the village near, Saint Mark's Place and my Grandfather and I would go and visit him every now and then, especially on "Free Comic Book Day" since he lived down the street from "Saint Mark's Comics," a nice but small little Comic Book retailer....Ironic, since he was with me, my Brother and Mom when I first discovered "Midtown Comics" in March of 2003-when I was eleven.
It was only a few weeks ago that my Grandmother and I helped him move his belongings into his new place and now, after more than a decade of knowing each other....he's gone.
His name was Carmelo Medina and he was shot dead by some coward at the age of 23.
Yeah, I want Justice. I want answers. And YES, I want to look whoever did this in the eye and show them just how much I hate them for what they've done, without a single word even being uttered out of my mouth.
But, No....I don't want them dead. And the only reason that I don't want them dead is because, I want them to know that they killed a good person and I hope that they can feel the same pain, if not a worse pain than what I'm feeling right now.
I'm telling you....Carmelo was a fantastic person who didn't deserve this bullshit at all, but it is what it is and I'm dying inside because I feel so much guilt in my heart for not being there for him when he needed me the most.
As for all of you, who think that it is okay to bitch and moan about your lives so much and think that It's okay to constantly think that you actually know what pain and suffering is.....PLEASE shut up and be grateful that you have the chance to wake up every single morning and esperience new things day after day with the people that you know and love, even if you do run into some tough times like I have, because I'm telling you....I am feeling real pain, right now and if all you want to do is pose as a person who THINKS that they know what darkness and despair is, PLEASE just grow up and embrace yourselves for the people who you truly are.
You know, all I ever hear from people these days is "My life sucks." or "I've got a fucked up life." but trust me....I'd take your feelings any day of the week over my current ones, so all I ask of you guys is to BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE!!!
All in all, I'm gonna miss my buddy, Carmelo and I can't even begin to express my sadness about this whole thing right now....I just hope you guys who are reading this, never have to feel the way that I am feeling right now.
Something that is really messed up is, Carmelo didn't have the chance to say goodbye to any of us and none of my family including myself had the chance to say goodbye to him, but if I'd known that the last time I saw him, a few weeks ago was going to be the last, I would have thought of something much better to say to him than "See you later." as I distincly remember saying.
So guys let me take this oppurtunity to say thanks for all that you have done for me over the years and thanks for sticking with me through thick and thin, even if I didn't deserve your support.
I love you all and I will always be here for any of you who need me....I really mean that, because you never know, there might not be a tomorrow.
A few days ago, I recieved some terrible news....my cousin was murdered.
But before I get into the details, let me tell you the story of how we grew up together.
It was around 1996 or 1997 when my Grandparents took him in from a foster home and made him apart of our family, from the very beginning, my brother and I considered him to be our "Cousin" although, we weren't blood relatives to him.
From that time on, over the next eight years or so, my brother and I kept getting closer and closer to him, all the way up to the point where it was almost impossible to keep the three of us apart from each other.
We'd went on at least 20 trips and vacations with him and he never seemed to become any less of a fun person throughout the entire time that I knew him.
He was a really funny guy....always playing pranks and making the craziest of jokes and although he had a rough time growing up, he always kept a sense of humor.
A few years ago, he'd moved out on his own, since he was considered a legal adult when he'd hit 18 and felt that he was ready to go at it alone.
Not long after that, he moved into the village near, Saint Mark's Place and my Grandfather and I would go and visit him every now and then, especially on "Free Comic Book Day" since he lived down the street from "Saint Mark's Comics," a nice but small little Comic Book retailer....Ironic, since he was with me, my Brother and Mom when I first discovered "Midtown Comics" in March of 2003-when I was eleven.
It was only a few weeks ago that my Grandmother and I helped him move his belongings into his new place and now, after more than a decade of knowing each other....he's gone.
His name was Carmelo Medina and he was shot dead by some coward at the age of 23.
Yeah, I want Justice. I want answers. And YES, I want to look whoever did this in the eye and show them just how much I hate them for what they've done, without a single word even being uttered out of my mouth.
But, No....I don't want them dead. And the only reason that I don't want them dead is because, I want them to know that they killed a good person and I hope that they can feel the same pain, if not a worse pain than what I'm feeling right now.
I'm telling you....Carmelo was a fantastic person who didn't deserve this bullshit at all, but it is what it is and I'm dying inside because I feel so much guilt in my heart for not being there for him when he needed me the most.
As for all of you, who think that it is okay to bitch and moan about your lives so much and think that It's okay to constantly think that you actually know what pain and suffering is.....PLEASE shut up and be grateful that you have the chance to wake up every single morning and esperience new things day after day with the people that you know and love, even if you do run into some tough times like I have, because I'm telling you....I am feeling real pain, right now and if all you want to do is pose as a person who THINKS that they know what darkness and despair is, PLEASE just grow up and embrace yourselves for the people who you truly are.
You know, all I ever hear from people these days is "My life sucks." or "I've got a fucked up life." but trust me....I'd take your feelings any day of the week over my current ones, so all I ask of you guys is to BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE!!!
All in all, I'm gonna miss my buddy, Carmelo and I can't even begin to express my sadness about this whole thing right now....I just hope you guys who are reading this, never have to feel the way that I am feeling right now.
Something that is really messed up is, Carmelo didn't have the chance to say goodbye to any of us and none of my family including myself had the chance to say goodbye to him, but if I'd known that the last time I saw him, a few weeks ago was going to be the last, I would have thought of something much better to say to him than "See you later." as I distincly remember saying.
So guys let me take this oppurtunity to say thanks for all that you have done for me over the years and thanks for sticking with me through thick and thin, even if I didn't deserve your support.
I love you all and I will always be here for any of you who need me....I really mean that, because you never know, there might not be a tomorrow.
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