"Now that we're here, It's so far away and I feel like I can face the day."-Aaron Lewis
Today was my Cousin's funeral.It was tough....really, really tough and trust me, it doesn't matter how much you think that you won't cry, you eventually will cry at any funeral.
You see, nobody ever really died around me and he was a very close friend of mine and very much so, a big part of my life.
It's soooooo hard for me to actually cope with the fact that this isn't a dream or something....I mean make no mistake, I know that this is actually happening but the anger and sorrow in my heart and mind is beyond even my belief.
I just can't seem to shake it, I've always been a person to try and make sense of things but I just can't find a way to understand how so much anger can be stored into one person's soul like the way that I'm feeling now.
I mean everything that happened today just pissed me off.
From having to see my cousin lifeless in a ivory coffin to me going over to him, giving him my last respects by telling him goodbye and placing a rose in his hands.
It was just so fucking surreal, hearing all these goddamn hypocrits and asskissers, reading their poems and resiting the very few moments that they ever did see him alive, since they were never their for him when he needed them while he was still living.
It was very few people there who I could actually say was there for him when he needed them and those very few people were my family, especially my grandparents since they were the ones who took him in when nobody else gave a damn.
Just the very sight of seeing him (My Cousin) there, not playing pranks or making jokes was hard enough, but once the bullshit about how all of these people "Knew" him started, I was just pissed off beyond anything on this planet.
I'm sorry but, for those fony people to get up there infront of all those people and tell their fony stories about their time with him, the whole thing made me sick.
Even though this is said about everyone's lost-loved ones, it is infact true in this case, my cousin was a FANTASTIC young guy, who never failed to spread his love and joy around to anyone who he'd come into contact with and although he damn sure wasn't perfect and had his own issues to deal with, he was always there for you when you needed him....no matter how busy he was or what he had going on in his own life.
Most, I repeat, MOST of the people who went up tp the podium and spoke about their exsperiences with, Carmelo, were just SO.FULL.OF.SHIT!!!! And it REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off that they tarnished his name like that because most of those people didn't know what kind of a person he was, and take it from me when I tell you that HE WAS AMAZING.
Never have I met someone with his creativity and originallity.
Example: For my grandmother's birthday, several years ago, I recall him making my grandmother a Clock out of a unused floor tile with some paint and little peices of metal.
I mean talent like that just doesn't pop up everyday, but then again, one of the most touching and relatable quotes/songs, I've ever heard was "Everyday is exactly the same" by one of my heroes, Trent Reznor.
One positive thing that my mom did infact point out to me was that I was actually the last person in my family to see him only a week and a half prior to his death.
All in all, The only thing that I can say after today is, I'm very disappointed with his biological family's actions and I'm also very broken over a very fantastic young man's death....but what do I know, I'm only a fucked up and stupid kid from the Bronx as this society would see me.
* And here's a little Irony for you, I was just reading the final issue of, "Fallen Son: The death of Captain America" only yesterday and in that issue Cap is layed to rest....Just like my cousin will be tomorrow. *
Today was my Cousin's funeral.It was tough....really, really tough and trust me, it doesn't matter how much you think that you won't cry, you eventually will cry at any funeral.
You see, nobody ever really died around me and he was a very close friend of mine and very much so, a big part of my life.
It's soooooo hard for me to actually cope with the fact that this isn't a dream or something....I mean make no mistake, I know that this is actually happening but the anger and sorrow in my heart and mind is beyond even my belief.
I just can't seem to shake it, I've always been a person to try and make sense of things but I just can't find a way to understand how so much anger can be stored into one person's soul like the way that I'm feeling now.
I mean everything that happened today just pissed me off.
From having to see my cousin lifeless in a ivory coffin to me going over to him, giving him my last respects by telling him goodbye and placing a rose in his hands.
It was just so fucking surreal, hearing all these goddamn hypocrits and asskissers, reading their poems and resiting the very few moments that they ever did see him alive, since they were never their for him when he needed them while he was still living.
It was very few people there who I could actually say was there for him when he needed them and those very few people were my family, especially my grandparents since they were the ones who took him in when nobody else gave a damn.
Just the very sight of seeing him (My Cousin) there, not playing pranks or making jokes was hard enough, but once the bullshit about how all of these people "Knew" him started, I was just pissed off beyond anything on this planet.
I'm sorry but, for those fony people to get up there infront of all those people and tell their fony stories about their time with him, the whole thing made me sick.
Even though this is said about everyone's lost-loved ones, it is infact true in this case, my cousin was a FANTASTIC young guy, who never failed to spread his love and joy around to anyone who he'd come into contact with and although he damn sure wasn't perfect and had his own issues to deal with, he was always there for you when you needed him....no matter how busy he was or what he had going on in his own life.
Most, I repeat, MOST of the people who went up tp the podium and spoke about their exsperiences with, Carmelo, were just SO.FULL.OF.SHIT!!!! And it REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off that they tarnished his name like that because most of those people didn't know what kind of a person he was, and take it from me when I tell you that HE WAS AMAZING.
Never have I met someone with his creativity and originallity.
Example: For my grandmother's birthday, several years ago, I recall him making my grandmother a Clock out of a unused floor tile with some paint and little peices of metal.
I mean talent like that just doesn't pop up everyday, but then again, one of the most touching and relatable quotes/songs, I've ever heard was "Everyday is exactly the same" by one of my heroes, Trent Reznor.
One positive thing that my mom did infact point out to me was that I was actually the last person in my family to see him only a week and a half prior to his death.
All in all, The only thing that I can say after today is, I'm very disappointed with his biological family's actions and I'm also very broken over a very fantastic young man's death....but what do I know, I'm only a fucked up and stupid kid from the Bronx as this society would see me.
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