Deeper.

"I'm not loving it all, y'see."-Chris Martin

It hasn't been all that good of a year for me so far....it's not getting any better.

My aunt is in the hospital with her kidneys and lungs failing (Probably dying), About seven more people have entered the Supernatural writing contest, My latest school has kicked me out, I got stood up by Marlene, My apartment has been flooded, Mia  has made her way back into my life and making things complicated again and my Mom has accused me of stealing her bank card and keys (Which she evidently found a few moments ago, all in one of her millions of purses).

I don't really have the words to express just how sorrowful and sad I've become this past week but I'm really, really, really exhausted.

If it's not one thing, it's something else. Mostly, I'm upset about my aunt in the hospital. She's really not doing well at all. Nobody has an exact diagnosis of what's wrong with her (It's a number of things) but in less than a week, she's went from having absolutley no problems from her recent surgery to having some horrible complications.

In the past couple of days, her doctors have avidly been calling at times like 2AM and 3AM and it's been pretty scary for me, especially. Seeing as how, I was the on who was up (As I usally am) during the middle of the night when I got the news that my cousin'd been killed last summer. I guess the anxiety of midnight calls hasn't faded away from my mind yet.

Usually, I'd find a way to take my mind off of all this stuff but no solution has presented itself this time around.

My writing hasn't taken the load off of my mind as it usually does, I've tried hanging out with some friends latley but it hasn't helped like it usually would and like I said: Nothing seems to really be helping me through these tough times.

I guess, time will let me know when I'm supposed to be better but in the meantime, I'll be witing for that day.

Let's see, what else? Oh yeah, Mia. Just like the old times.... Complicated, Confusing, Gloomy and Hopeless.

A few days ago, I'm checking my emails and then BOOM!- I see an email from her talking about forgiveness and feelings and all this talk about being sorry and blah blah blah. So, as it usually is between us, things have become this shifty balance between very good times and very bad times.

None the less, she really hasn't changed. Still acting like a goddamn child! Drinking and smoking and partying and carrying on. And I mean, this is why I unfortunatley had to give up on her before. Although, this time, I for some reason don't feel the same as I did for her all that time ago. I mean, she's just not the same person she was when I met her, unfortunatley, and I just can't love the person that she's become. It's like this: You look at me, and I've changed for the better (Depending on which angle you look at me from) since we broke up all those months ago but if you'd take a quick glance at her or even a deeper look at her and she seriously hasn't changed at all. I once vowed to never let her fall apart but....there's nothing I, myself can or could've done for her.

So, as I'm sure most of you would be pleased to hear, I've seriously and no joking at all have any feelings for her anymore.

Well, I'm off to see my aunt now, talk to all of you guys later.