A better person.

"I can forgive and I'm not ashamed to be the person that I am today."-Aaron Lewis

It's been quite a time for me these past few years. But last week, I told you guys how confused and "numb" I was feeling and I also remembered saying just how much I hoped my weekend in my second home (As I see it) Wildwood, NJ would help me to find myself once again. It did.

Last friday, I found myself picking my cousin up from Penn Station at 10 AM. He'd been home for a few days from Afghanistan and my aunt asked me tod do her the favor of helping him to the Bronx, so I did and it ended fairly but I'm gonna go into story mode for this blog, as I usually do, and tell you all everything that's helped me out this past weekend.

So, anyway, I ended up taking my soldiered cuz site seeing around the city andit amazed me that even after being here so many times, he was stil shocked at the so-called excitement of the city.

With nothing to do, that night, I took my mom, my brother and cousin to see Hellboy and the next day after we'd searched for my cat whom my mom loaned to one of our neighbors on the second floor, we were off to New Jersey finally. But not the part, we thought we were going to....thanks to my mom.

Also, thanks to my mom, we ended up in Atlantic City as I watched her and my cousin blow their money gambling. It pissed me off, seeing as how, the casino staff didn't even check my I.D. to see if I was even supposed to be there. I look way older than what I am, so I keep annoyingly hearing. It's a gift and a curse, I guess. I just still see it as a curse after all of these years.

When we finally did get to the lovley, Wildwood, I just went into my motel room, read some film magazines and waited until everybody else got back in from the boardwalk.

A bit later on, that night, I went with my Grandfather (whom was there already with my Grandmother) and my cousin to the famous boardwalk once again and I had quite a bit of fun. I shot a bullseye into a dartboard with a dart-gun, I shot some more with a bee-bee gun and I played pool (and got my ass kicked) with my cousin.

The next day, I did some more walking on the boardwalk before we left and I stopped in to see my buddy Larry at the poster store, bought a NIN poster and....then I met Debbie. She's got a talent for seeing things clearly, I guess you could say. She's pretty powerful at what she does and she seemed to know a whole lot about me with me never even meeting her before. It was like talking to a Psychic. Catching my drift? (No, it's not something sexual....it's mystical.)

Anyway, that's a different story for a different time!

On the ride back to New York in my Grandma's cramped van, I got to see the person who the middle east and Army have made my cousin into. He's a dick.

Constant rude and cutting comments and jokes about my weight, interests (Comics), and basically everything about me.

For the rest of the time he was here that entire day, I didn't say anything to him....I just wanted him to go back to the war zone he belonged in. It was appearant to me that he wasn't the same person he was when he left eight years ago and he just wasn't able to adjust back to his civilian self.

I'm not gonna pretend like his comments didn't hurt after I'd went out of my way to pick him up from Penn Station, Show him around the city and had shown him such a good time that I did all the way until that point.

I'm a forgiving person. I don't necessarily believe in grudges but I'm trying my best not to hold anything against the words he said to me a few days ago. Before, I would email him everyday....I don't know about now. I don't know about him as a person anymore, to be honest.

I really do feel better about life and my past and a lot of other things since my short vacation ended to tell you guys the truth and I've been pretty happy despite my cousin's comments towards me but I don't want to let them get to me. It's like Bono said in Stuck in a Moment that You can't get out of: "There's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard", which is pretty sad considering what he said.

But anyway, I've began meditating every night before I eventually fall asleep (: That part still hasn't changed, Jay! :) and I'd say it's helped a bit but I'm still trying to make things better for myself in my own ways.

See you all later! You guys ready for THE DARK KNIGHT as much as I am?!