Sentiments of Tragedy.

"I now know the depths I reach are limitless."-Trent Reznor

I'm in school right now, writing this. In the goddamn library on this goddamn monday. If this day wasn't such a depressing reminder of what would've been the twenty fourth birthday of my late cousin, Carmello, this day would've been alright. I'm having flashbacks right now of him in his coffin as I've been having all damn day.

Some wounds never heal. This is one of them.

If this day had never came, I probably would've blocked out all the pain that this day has brought back to me. In some ways, I don't think the pain ever left me but other times, I feel like I left the sorrow behind two summers ago.

I can't explain how much I miss him in any way or shape of expression but I'm trying to get through this day without imagining his last seconds on the planet.

The sudden BANG of the gunshot which took him and the horrific sight of him running away from the punk with the gun in his hand are all frighteningly real. Some would never imagine these things and most would think I'm describing a movie but this is just another sad fact of my life. A life which some can try to relate to but one, I feel can never be understood, let alone, fully understood by anyone except myself since I live it.

The mood that I've awaken to on this day which would've been celebrated if a few moments in the past had gone drastically different, is dragging me down.

Maybe the mood will go away by the end of the day or maybe it will find a way to haunt me and make itself that much more appearant in my life even after the day is done. I don't know.

If I could go back in time, my cousin's death would be one of the things I would change in a heartbeat and if I had it my way, he'd be here enjoying his twenty fourth birthday.

But life is cruel and life took him away from me....just like every single other person in my life has or will, in time.

This would've been a good day if it wasn't for this aura. If it weren't for this sentiment of tragedy. If it weren't for these times in which we live. If it weren't for the memories I have of such a person who made a difference in my life.

I miss him....