Zeroes and Ones.

"Do we discover the new world or does the new world discover us?"-Queen Elizabeth I

I'd like to think that my future is un-written but I have no reason to believe it's not. The thoughts that I've come to find myself in over the past few days are many amongst a few bad ones. I've found a new mindset of hope but as usual, with every action comes a consequence. The consequence for myself, this time around is that I'm even more clue-less about where I'm going than I was before.

I'm more intuned with myself than most people are, I think I've deserved the right to give myself that much credit but even so, I still don't know how to un-blur the world that's been presented to me from birth.

Much has changed over the course of a small period of time, these past few months but the same things are still plaguing my life except they're in a different form this time. I found myself fighting a tide of misery last January and as that month comes back our way this winter, I can only wonder if the old saying is indeed true? Does the past repeat itself?

Between finding myself uncertain about the future and negatively reflective about the past, I'm here in the present trying to make the right choices for myself, especially, even though everything isnt always as clear as they should be. Everything isn't as clear as the darkness I'd face once again if I were to fail myself and everyone by repeating the things that I've already been through.

I'm trying to take on the world, all alone still, even though I can feel alot of things in my life changing mostly for the better. Through the numbness that I put myself through to become a bit more harder last winter, I have come to learn three lessons that I've learned time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time and time again, and those lessons are:

1. Everything happens for a reason although it may not be clear to us all the time.

2. My life isn't at all important.

3. The world will flurish if I'm in it or not.

Those are things that I'm proud to have accepted and I feel so much better for facing those realities; Realities which most people try their best to deny or ignore.

I'm still the same guy overall and that'll never change. I'm the same, in the sense that I'm still fighting the same demons that nearly took me down once. I'm a bit different for the first time in a very long time, in the sense that I'm smarter rather than stronger than I was a few months ago.

I don't know where I'm going to go tomorrow, let alone years from now but I have hope that I'll make it through these days with flying colors. Faith isn't something that I've had for a long time but the thing that I still have in mind is that there are still good people who I can have faith in; People like my brother and Jason and Joseph and Solange and Rafael and Kris among others.

There are so many pages turning in my life right now and so many possibilities that I hope to explore soon.

I'm really happy that I've come to this point in my life.

Some things never change. I never change, I just adapt.

One question I hope I can answer out of the lot that I can't is if I, myself am the one who finds these good times within myself or are they the ones who find me?

It's the eternal battle of internal and external conflict, I guess....