Dearly Beloved Hatred (Disrespecting the Disrespectful).

"Somebody once wrote that Hell is the impossibility of reason. That's what this place feels like.... Hell."- Pvt. Chris Taylor


They say you should respect your elders. I say that's a load of bullshit.

Personally, I believe that a person should give respect in order to earn it, and it shouldn't be a double standard for those who by no control of their own were born before you were. In my mind just because you're older doesn't automatically mean you're any wiser or smarter than someone who's younger than you are. And in addition, just because you're younger doesn't necessarily mean that you're any less experienced than anyone else who may be older than you are.

I find it highly disrespectful when older people feel that they have the right to be patronizing, inglorious pricks just for the sake of stroking their own ego. It's simply not right.

There are people in my life, especially, both friends and family who've constantly pissed me off with this egotistical trait of theirs. But the one who's pissing me off right now is my grandmother as usual. She's really pushing my goddamn buttons.

I swear, never in my entire life have I met another person who's as nosy, annoying, ignorant, and close-minded as she is. It's litterally every single last thing about her that I can't stand, and obviously we're COMPLETE opposites.

It's unfortunate that we've never gotten along but I could give a damn, to be honest. I wish I could describe her in better detail but the best I can do is ask you to imagine a loud, stubborn, super sarcastic, erratic woman in her mid-to-late sixties.

We're just not each other's favorite people. Never have been.

Even when I was a little kid, we'd always fight until the air blistered around us. It's truly indescribable just how much even her presence pisses me off. Her whole aura, of all things, just brings out the worst in me. When she's around me, I can transform from the extremly quiet guy that I am into a ticking time bomb ready to explode with a hurricane of curses directed towards her.

Her whole mentality and belief that since I'm young, the youngest of my entire family, I shouldn't have a mind of my own and I should just accept the fact that everyone (herself in particular) can command me to do what they all want me to and in essence simply run my life they way they/she sees fit, just offends me beyond anything else I'm forced to deal with on the regular and daily basis.


Examples:

1. She doesn't want me to go off to film school or college as I want to for myself, but rather have me find a job (a city job underlined) and live the life she wants me to in order to recieve a small pension like hers. To me, it's pretty greedy to put someone's dreams and aspirations down in any circumstance but she seems not to have a problem with it.

2. Yesterday morning, my mother and I were having a debate about religion (I'm against even the idea of it obviously) and out of nowhere my grandmother had to make an overly rude comment about my mother being older than I am and eventually added something to the extent of everyone being smarter than I am because I'm young.

3. As I wrote about the incedent when it occured: A few months ago, she kicked me out for standing up for my brother while she degraded him. In her words, he was being "lazy." But as I recall he was tired from working a double shift of police work at a hospital. (You tell me who's right: A loyal little brother whose sticking up for his big brother, or a old woman who can't decypher between laziness and exhaustion but still feels the need to never ever shut the fuck up.)

4. She insists on stepping over her boundaries with me by talking rudely about my father (who I don't get along with but in any case is still my dad) right in front of me as if he's an animal, when as usual none of the situations ever concern her in the first place.

5. Today she had the nerve to blame me for not washing everyone else's dishes that were left in the sink overnight, and even had the guts incinuate that I left a bowl for her to wash when I've been up here in my room for god only knows how long. Hell, I've even stopped leaving my room to sit downstairs because I know she'd start bitching about something she'd drum up in her head.


I mean, there are plenty of things that obviously can piss me off but there doesn't seem to be much more than my mom's very own mother. It's pretty scary just how far and deep my animosity runs for her, and on a bad day can be seen in public.

I'm not the only one who's had there many issues with her but I'd have to say that I've had the most. I just don't really like her much and the thing that's the worse part of all is that I've never liked her.

Unfortunately, I'm not in a situation where I can escape from her right now but as I've said so many times before: The first chance I get to leave this place, I'm gonna take it without any hesitation.

I understand that we can't choose our family members but there's no doubt in my mind that anyone would find this woman to be sane or in her right mind. My brother and I both even refer to her as the "nut".

It's only a matter of time before I get the hell out of here....