"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.” - Frank Crane
I'm living in torment. It was two years ago, to this day, when my world was shaken upside down. It wasn't really because this was the day that Mia broke my heart as badly as she did, but it's more or less the fact that I let someone get that close to me for the first time, and my trust was completly broken.
I've since forgiven Mia for what she did, but even with that said: The damage has been done - I can never trust anyone ever again, not even for the smallest of things.
Although I'm still young, it's no secret that I'm smarter than what I should be for my age. My only question is this: How could I have been so stupid to let myself be hurt like that?
I truly do believe that certain moments and events in people's lives can be held responsible for how they end up; certain moments can define us forever, and I think that the moment when Joseph and I saw Mia with her ex, it proved to be one of the most defining moments of my life so far. I guess some things can't be planned for.
But to even attempt to explain how I felt in that moment, or how low my heart sunk when I saw her with that other guy, it would be just as hard to try to explain chaos theory to a four year old. Some things can't be explained away, sometimes things are as simple as they can be.
For me, one of those simple and clear moments were when I looked into Mia's eyes as she kissed her newfoud lover right in front of me. Her subtle message to me was this: You're always going to be alone, and the torment you're feeling right now is never going to fade away because you're not a desirable person.
I feel as if that message was harmful but true, because these are the facts two years later: I'm still alone, and I'm not desired.
When I realized her message, it was as if all of my fears had come true, but were essentially necessary for me to face.
Mia broke my heart that day, but for a cosmic reason: I had to learn the lesson to never trust anybody ever again, even if they were the complete opposite of her.
But even after all the growing and stoicness that I've since learned and embraced, I still find myself more alone than ever. And even though I've litterally always been a loner, I still find myself waiting for the day when my deepest hopes of love will come true - but because I don't believe in fairy tales, I know that that day will never come to pass.
It's like Joseph once told me: "We cheat our time here," and to be honest, I've never been given a reason to think any differently of his saying.
We appearantly do cheat our time here....
I'm living in torment. It was two years ago, to this day, when my world was shaken upside down. It wasn't really because this was the day that Mia broke my heart as badly as she did, but it's more or less the fact that I let someone get that close to me for the first time, and my trust was completly broken.
I've since forgiven Mia for what she did, but even with that said: The damage has been done - I can never trust anyone ever again, not even for the smallest of things.
Although I'm still young, it's no secret that I'm smarter than what I should be for my age. My only question is this: How could I have been so stupid to let myself be hurt like that?
I truly do believe that certain moments and events in people's lives can be held responsible for how they end up; certain moments can define us forever, and I think that the moment when Joseph and I saw Mia with her ex, it proved to be one of the most defining moments of my life so far. I guess some things can't be planned for.
But to even attempt to explain how I felt in that moment, or how low my heart sunk when I saw her with that other guy, it would be just as hard to try to explain chaos theory to a four year old. Some things can't be explained away, sometimes things are as simple as they can be.
For me, one of those simple and clear moments were when I looked into Mia's eyes as she kissed her newfoud lover right in front of me. Her subtle message to me was this: You're always going to be alone, and the torment you're feeling right now is never going to fade away because you're not a desirable person.
I feel as if that message was harmful but true, because these are the facts two years later: I'm still alone, and I'm not desired.
When I realized her message, it was as if all of my fears had come true, but were essentially necessary for me to face.
Mia broke my heart that day, but for a cosmic reason: I had to learn the lesson to never trust anybody ever again, even if they were the complete opposite of her.
But even after all the growing and stoicness that I've since learned and embraced, I still find myself more alone than ever. And even though I've litterally always been a loner, I still find myself waiting for the day when my deepest hopes of love will come true - but because I don't believe in fairy tales, I know that that day will never come to pass.
It's like Joseph once told me: "We cheat our time here," and to be honest, I've never been given a reason to think any differently of his saying.
We appearantly do cheat our time here....
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