Echoes in my Eyes.

"Nothing matters to me. Nothing matters as much."-Trent Reznor

I'm turning into one cold son of a bitch. I started to stop caring about anything eight months ago when Mia cheated on me and today, I just decided to stop giving a fuck. Well, I didn't really decide it. It's not something that you just up and spontaneously do one day out of the blue, it's litterally something that's completed through a process of things.

 I guess the thing that messed up these passed two days for me are mostly due to the fact that I saw this

HBO documentary about Shapelle Corby AKA the "Ganja Queen".

Basically, her story fucked me up. It really did fuck my whole day up. She was unwittingley used as a mule for drug dealers in Australia and when she got to Bali from her flight, the drugs that the dealers planted in her bag without her knowlege was found by the indoneasian customs officers and although they had no proof that the drugs were hers, they sentenced her to twenty years in some dirty prison in Bali. Her release date is set for 2024.

I don't even want to get into a huge diatrob but the whole thing was so messed up, I really wouldn't and actually couldn't say a word for a whole hour, even with the television off and only the air conditioner on in my room. I just layed here in my bed and stared up to the ceiling.

The other thing that fucked up my day was as you can imagine (YOU FUCKING GUESSED IT).... Mia.

Today just symbolized the reason why I haden't spoken to her in eight months and why I simply can't be bothered with her shit. I seriously can't take her shit anymore either. "No offense but I don't love you and I'm not sure if I ever did. I understand if you don't want to speak to me anymore...."

That's what she said and that's why I just can't be bothered with her shit again for as long as I live. Some things just aren't meant to be and we're absolutley one of those things that can't and never will be. We don't have the same understanding of life itself and all in all, I just refuse to even speak about her anymore. Just the thought of her speaking to me or looking my way makes me sick.

It's been a fucked up day, emotionally. I mean my only retreat to get out of the state I've found myself in is to just not give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck who becomes president.

I don't give a fuck if I ever get out of school.

I don't give a fuck if I live a happy life.

I don't give a fuck if I live or die.

I don't give a fuck.

The only things I have left are my family, friends and my writing. I don't give a fuck about anything else.

At the end of the day, I feel like my man, Chuck Connelly....

....A un-apprieciated artist in unhonorable times. A man who keeps trying but ends up failing at every turn. A man who was outcasted because of his beliefs. A man whom isn't understood by many. A man driven mad by a greedy world. A man who never got his fair chance.