Lessons Of The Trade.

As a storyteller, I heed the dangers in being too good of a person; An angel surrounded by demons. I used to be an idealist that way but as I've grown, I've come to believe that it's naive to believe in one's own survival - let alone, to do so without getting their hands dirty in the process - in that type of environment. Many generations have essentially told the same tale of the good guy getting the raw end of the deal since the beginning of recorded history in the form of Job to Hamlet to Ned Stark to Bret Hart, and in truth: Nothing has changed in our continuing world, whether allegorically or physically, because those who deserve to have their good faith rewarded are often shafted for the instant gratification and agendas of those who've benefited from the efforts of well-meaning and selfless individuals.

Because of those examples, I don't find it unreasonable that anti-heroic figures in our culture are gravitated towards more-so than unrealistically moral idols that some would have you believe were or are incorruptible. Now, as per usual, I'm confident that I'll be criticized or brow-beaten for this with snarky, smartass comments from those with nothing better to do with their time who deem themselves superior to my mindset but I, too, can relate to those martyred figures who I mentioned above. Not that I consider myself a martyr like them since I refuse to be sacrificed for other people's agendas but rather just as unappreciated as they were, all the same.

Here it is, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I've never cheated on anyone, I speak up about the injustices I see, I try to teach those who are willing to have an open mind to my words, I work hard, I don't throw people under the bus to achieve my goals, I'm loyal to those that I care about, and at times I've even given my time and resources over to people in need because of my empathetic nature. However, even through all of that, I'm still one of the loneliest, most disrespected, most passed-over, and unrequited individuals that one can cross paths with in any area of life ranging from work to friendship to relationships. And because of that, I'm able to empathize with those who've grown a cold chip on their shoulders to the rest of the world because of the example that has been made out of the likes of myself and people like me. Afterall, what's the point in putting in so much time and energy into doing what's in the interest of others when, in the end, the underlying result is that they routinely leave you out to dry once they've got their heads above water?

Then, again, perhaps I'm just wired differently than most. I wish my conscience would allow me to be as selfish as the rest of the world is too sometimes. But I manage to push through, as always, I suppose.