Thursday, September 13, 2007

I'm only me.

"They want you to be Jesus, they'll go down on one knee. But they'll want their money back if your alive at thirty-three."-Bono

It's amusing, all of the compliments that people have given me over the years.

"He's such a good kid!", "He's so generous.", "He's got his heart in the right place."

I don't understand it! Why do people view me as some sort of great person when I'm only one man! I haven't changed the world in any way, I haven't done anything great.

I remember one of of my old teachers....two of them actually, tell me that they would be proud if their children ended up like me. I mean, It's a hard thing to cope with when you actually know the reasons why I do things.

Example, A few blogs back, when I'd given a homeless couple $20, person after person gave me some sort of compliment when, in my eyes, I didn't do anything so great!

Everyone called me generous for doing what I did but the truth is, it's like I've always said: "There is a reason for every single thing that I do."

And my words still stand today! "There is a reason for every single thing that I do." whether people understand my motives or not.

I just can't understand it, how can literally HUNDREDS of people walk by and allow two people to continue their suffering?

I didn't help them because I wanted to, I helped them because I HAD to.

Being the person who I am, underneath, my conscience just wouldn't let me rest knowing that I was apart of those hundreds of people.

And although most people don't understand my way of doing things, let alone, my way of seeing things....I don't really care.

As long as I can sleep at night and feel content for my own actions, I'm a happy person when all is said and done.

At the end of the day, those who view or have viewed my actions as generous, should REALLY re-think the difference between Generousity and Responibility.

What would you want or hope for if you were in the exact same position as those two people?

What would you do if you were in my position at the time?

The point is, it wasn't out of generousity that I'd done what I'd done but it was out of responibility.

I had the upper hand and I had the chance to help someone in need. It wasn't because I felt sorry for them, it was because I understood them.

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, I'll end up doing things the way I see fit. At the end of the day, I'll fight for what I believe in. At the end of the day, I'm only me.

Most of the reasons for the way I do things can only be understood by me, myself and I, and I feel comfortable that way....not having my reasons out in the open for everyone to interpret for themselves.

They say actions speak louder than words....I'm proof that they're right.

In my eyes, I don't feel as if I'm that good or great of a person. I don't feel as if I've done anything so good to recieve compliments and I don't think that, after all, I'm as great as everyone would make me out to be.
One of the most rediculous compliments came from my second grade teacher who said that I was a perfect person....as you can see, I'M FAR FROM PERFECT!

I guess some people don't and never will agree with my point(s) of view but in the end, I really don't care. People can attack me, disagree with me, destroy me or whatever they want but I'm ALWAYS going to hold my beliefs and more importantly, my way of doing and seeing things.

Over the years, I've been called many things:

To my Grandfather- "I'm Unreasonable."

To my Grandmother- "I'm Uncontrollable." (Which I'm actually the most proud of.)

To my Mom- "I'm Stubborn."

To my Dad- "I'm Hard-Headed."

To my Brother- "I'm Dumb."

To my Buddies- "I'm Strong-willed."

To me- "I'm DaiQuan."

No comments:

Post a Comment

Montages, the artform thereof, and all subsequent works featured on this blog page are owned by DaiQuan M. Cain and are subject to copyright (#185729-V) under the U.S. Copyright Law of 1976 & the U.S. Library of Congress. Any thievery, unauthorized usage, or infringement of said work(s) and copyright(s) will result in a fine of up to $250,000 or more.