"It's been awhile since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do but all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you."-Aaron Lewis
I've never felt this way for anyone before but for the first time, I feel a fantastic feeling that I've never felt.
I don't know if I should feel this way at all but I've taken my chances on much more riskier things in the past.
Of course, I'm talking about Mia....a good-but-confusing person in my life.
The only time I feel completed or just overwhelmed with happiness is when I'm around her.
For years, I've waited for somone to fill this empty part of my soul and she seems to be the only person to get the job done.
The only thing that kills me, is that I know she'll probably never feel the same way for me.
It's the type of thing that you know in your mind, you'll never get what you want but you keep trying anyway.
She makes all of my problems go away and for the brief few moments that I'm able to be with her every now and then, It just fills me up....makes all the rest of the world go away.
I know, in my heart of hearts that this type of thing isn't meant for me and I, myself, don't even know why I keep going at it but the answer to that question will be answered in time I guess.
It's times like these that I apprieciate all the things that everyone has ever done for me and It's times like these that I wish I could just show Mia how much I care for her.
In the back of my mind, my conscience keeps reminding me of what happened a few years ago
(Read some of my older blogs: Here and Here .)
I just feel like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, no matter how how much I care for her....I'll never be good enough.
Example(s):
1. Every five seconds, she brings her asshole of a boyfriend into our conversations.
2. She asks for my advice on numerous things and then goes against everything I advise her to do.
3. The thing that bothers me the most is how, everything always has to be in secret all of the time.
If we hang out....nobody can know. If she calls me....nobody can know.
My name has to be listed as a different name in her cell phone so that that creep won't have a tantrum like the little girl he is.
And the list goes on and on and on and on and on.
I'll give you another example, this blog post is set to private because that creep reads all of my blogs and sends me hatemail....like a insecure little bitch.
Besides that, Mia and I really don't have any problems. I just wish all of this secrecy bullshit could be cleared up....It fucks with me so much.
If she only knew just how much I care for her....
I wish she would give me just ONE chance to show her my infinite, most deepest feelings....I wish so many things.
But most of all, I wish I could just be with her and give her all of the happiness that I've never been able to find.
She just makes me feel like no one else have ever made me feel in my entire life. I don't know if it's good for me to get this close to her or not but I can't just switch my feelings on and off.
If things were only easier, if things were only less complicated.
I guess my path will be made clear in time but until then, I'll be here longing for her for as long as I can.
Man, if I only had one chance with her.
If I only could get the chance to show her things in a new light.
If she only knew how much care and affection my heart holds for her.
It's impossible to exsplain how happy she makes me feel....it's impossible to exsplain how much I would do for her.
There aren't words for how much I care for her but for now, it's like my hero, Trent Reznor says in one of his best songs...."I just want something I can never have."
Who knows what the future may hold....
A little time and patience might just hold the key to everything.
I've never felt this way for anyone before but for the first time, I feel a fantastic feeling that I've never felt.
I don't know if I should feel this way at all but I've taken my chances on much more riskier things in the past.
Of course, I'm talking about Mia....a good-but-confusing person in my life.
The only time I feel completed or just overwhelmed with happiness is when I'm around her.
For years, I've waited for somone to fill this empty part of my soul and she seems to be the only person to get the job done.
The only thing that kills me, is that I know she'll probably never feel the same way for me.
It's the type of thing that you know in your mind, you'll never get what you want but you keep trying anyway.
She makes all of my problems go away and for the brief few moments that I'm able to be with her every now and then, It just fills me up....makes all the rest of the world go away.
I know, in my heart of hearts that this type of thing isn't meant for me and I, myself, don't even know why I keep going at it but the answer to that question will be answered in time I guess.
It's times like these that I apprieciate all the things that everyone has ever done for me and It's times like these that I wish I could just show Mia how much I care for her.
In the back of my mind, my conscience keeps reminding me of what happened a few years ago
(Read some of my older blogs: Here and Here .)
I just feel like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, no matter how how much I care for her....I'll never be good enough.
Example(s):
1. Every five seconds, she brings her asshole of a boyfriend into our conversations.
2. She asks for my advice on numerous things and then goes against everything I advise her to do.
3. The thing that bothers me the most is how, everything always has to be in secret all of the time.
If we hang out....nobody can know. If she calls me....nobody can know.
My name has to be listed as a different name in her cell phone so that that creep won't have a tantrum like the little girl he is.
And the list goes on and on and on and on and on.
I'll give you another example, this blog post is set to private because that creep reads all of my blogs and sends me hatemail....like a insecure little bitch.
Besides that, Mia and I really don't have any problems. I just wish all of this secrecy bullshit could be cleared up....It fucks with me so much.
If she only knew just how much I care for her....
I wish she would give me just ONE chance to show her my infinite, most deepest feelings....I wish so many things.
But most of all, I wish I could just be with her and give her all of the happiness that I've never been able to find.
She just makes me feel like no one else have ever made me feel in my entire life. I don't know if it's good for me to get this close to her or not but I can't just switch my feelings on and off.
If things were only easier, if things were only less complicated.
I guess my path will be made clear in time but until then, I'll be here longing for her for as long as I can.
Man, if I only had one chance with her.
If I only could get the chance to show her things in a new light.
If she only knew how much care and affection my heart holds for her.
It's impossible to exsplain how happy she makes me feel....it's impossible to exsplain how much I would do for her.
There aren't words for how much I care for her but for now, it's like my hero, Trent Reznor says in one of his best songs...."I just want something I can never have."
Who knows what the future may hold....
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