Contemplation and Complication.

"It won't give up, it wants me dead. Goddamn this noise inside my head."-Trent Reznor

Everyone has two sides to them, maybe even more in certain cases or scenarios but I for one, am the same guy I am at all times in any situation....except for when I'm alone.

In my room, locked inside my head, I just think and think and think for hours at a time, mostly during the night time. Mostly why I don't get much sleep on the regular basis.

Latley, I've been in a winning streak of good luck but even so, I still can't seem to stop thinking about every aspect of my life.

When I say thinking, I don't nessacarilly mean I'm worrying.

I just....think.

I'm a very strategic person in all things. I don't take risks unless I think it all through.

I guess you can say, I'm very Conscious. Conscious of everything, that is.

And it's because of my counsciousness that very few things get by me without me noticing it.

It may not always seem like it, but I always know when something is out of place....Especially when someone is up to something.

I've been getting that feeling a lot from a bunch of people latley. I don't know what it is but I can just feel something is out of place right now.

My Contemplation always Complicates.

I have this bittersweet habit of being able to solve or uncover certian things that are going on around me, I've always had it.

The good part of it is, It keeps me sharp and alert. Very Conscious of the details around me.

The bad part is, It keeps me thinking about what could be out of place and why.

It's not good, but it is at the same time.

Ironically, both of my parents are always telling me that I always think someone is out to get me and I should stop thinking that way but on the other hand, because I keep my guard up all the time, very few people do pull things on me.

The way I see it, it's better safe than sorry.

Once in a VERY blue moon will someone get passed me or trick me into something.

It's good to have when someone IS indeed up to something but it's bad to have when nobody is out for anything and you still can't let your guard down.

Part of the reason why I tend to keep to myself in social and group situations (A subject lots of you want me to talk about.) is because of numerous reasons.

1. I prefer to observe, rather than socialize. Especially with people I don't know or in most cases....I don't want to know for some reason or another.

2. I don't like being thrown into the position of dealing with more than one or two (Two at maximum.) people all at one time. I can do it....I just don't.

3. I prefer to only be bothered with those I know and trust. I have my reasons for my social limitations.

4. I think that I'm a pretty good judge of character, hence why I only stay within my zone of comfort....away from the crowd.

Example: Mia. She's constantly bothering me and pushing me to hang out with her and her friends. I don't and won't....it's as simple as that. She calls me anti-social over it but I just simply laugh.

You see, the thing is, I've studied her friends and their behavior, just like I study everyone and everything else. They're a bad influence. Not on me but on her.

They choose to loiter around, get high and drunk, waste time and litterally go nowhere with themselves and the worst part of it is that they encourage her to fall down right beside them.

The way I see it is, If I socialize or associate myself with them, it makes me just as bad because that would give her even more of a reason to follow them and for those that know me....I don't follow.

They're like antiques that just sit there and waste away....I can't let that happen to her although I'm big on free will.

My point is, although no one always understands my ways or my point of views at times, I always have my reasons for the choices I make and for each and every one of my actions.That's why I never waver in my beliefs on any issue and that's why I don't falter in any argument.

Some would argue that I always have to be right.

I say, I've just thought it all thought it all through.

No, I'm not perfect, I've got my light side and my dark side just like everyone else....

but I always have my reasons.