Breaks of the Game.

"Deep into that darkness peering, Long I stood there, Wondering.... Pearing.... Doubting...."-Edgar Allan Poe

As I enter this new chapter in my life, I can't help but feel annoyed and focused at the same time.

For as long as I can remember, I've fought for the things I've believed in and also for everything else I have.

Not only is this going to be a new year but it feels like a new lifetime of sorts for me too.

I don't want to lose the things that I've gained and fought for; for so long just because a few new experiences are coming my way.

This new school, which wasn't my choice. The amount of time that's going to be stripped away from me, the freedoms that I'm about to lose....It's all too much for me.

I've fought for the time and freedom that I have and I'm about to lose it all.

I can just feel the struggle ahead of me. I can taste the frustration that lies ahead of me on this long road ahead.

January 7th, 2008 spells out one of my biggest struggles to come. This is going to be a hard, pennant, distinctive time in my life.

This school, this time, is going to be difficult for me.

I don't want to do it, I don't want to be bothered with it, I don't want to have to deal with it but I'm left with no choice.

When it comes to this place or anything else for that matter that I don't want to do or anything that I'm against, you can damn sure bet your bottom dollar that I'm gonna fight with every fiber of my being against it.

This new chapter of my life. I don't want it. I don't need it....but I have to live it out to get to the chapter(s) that lie beyond.

I can't believe this struggle is one that I have to fight and wait out but it's the fact of the matter that I'm being pushed to do something that I don't want to do, that's bothering me.

The truth of the matter is, unfortunatley, my hand is being forced and I'm trying hard not to even give a second chance at the craziness that once was, to pull me away from what I trully am and what I've trully become and the things that I've achieved.

The things I believe in. The things that I fight for. The things that I live for. This place goes against them all but I have no choice but to face this new challenge and try my best to come out victorious as always.

I'm being torn betwen my desires and the duties that I do not believe in.

I'm being torn between the desire to do the things that I want to do in my own way and the duties that I didn't choose, I haven't had any say in and I honestly don't want.

Comprimise is something that I can do but I don't like to do. It's always been a last resort for me even as a child.

Comprimise spells out weakness to the rest of the world. I do not, DO NOT comprimise but in few, very rare, very uncommon, very unique situations....I have to.

I'm going to do what I've always done and make it through.

As I enter this life, It'll be the remnants of the previous one which keep me going.

Happy New Year, everyone!