"I hurt myself today to see if I still feel."- Trent Reznor
Jenna left me today for good. Unlike when I had my heart broken by Mia two years ago, I honestly don't feel ANYTHING this time around and that's the thing that scares me the most. I feel as if there's an overwhelming stoic that's taken me over and I can't escape from it.
I guess my skin's thickened unnoticeably through time, but I didn't expect to be so cold or unaffected by her leaving me. And to top it off, I even suggested that she never call me again.
The question is: Who am I becoming?
Have I been so disappointed in people as a whole, that I can't feel anything when even a great love is ripped away from me?
It's pretty sad to think and deal with the fact that I gave my entire heart to someone once again and they chose to break it after reconstructing it from a previous trauma. But once again, I'm left with the same dilemma as before: I don't feel anything at all.... I just feel absolutley numb, to tell the truth; Kinda like all the lights are turned off upstairs or something.
Who knows, maybe it's just my mind finding a way to keep the shit at shoe level or something like that so that I don't have to repeat the things I went through with Mia, and Marlene before her.
The thing that gets me to truly tamper with the lines of my newfound numbness is the fact that I keep looking for the best in humanity and people themselves, but I'm constantly shown the darkest sides of the both.
Maybe all of their darkness has brushed off on me....
Jenna left me today for good. Unlike when I had my heart broken by Mia two years ago, I honestly don't feel ANYTHING this time around and that's the thing that scares me the most. I feel as if there's an overwhelming stoic that's taken me over and I can't escape from it.
I guess my skin's thickened unnoticeably through time, but I didn't expect to be so cold or unaffected by her leaving me. And to top it off, I even suggested that she never call me again.
The question is: Who am I becoming?
Have I been so disappointed in people as a whole, that I can't feel anything when even a great love is ripped away from me?
It's pretty sad to think and deal with the fact that I gave my entire heart to someone once again and they chose to break it after reconstructing it from a previous trauma. But once again, I'm left with the same dilemma as before: I don't feel anything at all.... I just feel absolutley numb, to tell the truth; Kinda like all the lights are turned off upstairs or something.
Who knows, maybe it's just my mind finding a way to keep the shit at shoe level or something like that so that I don't have to repeat the things I went through with Mia, and Marlene before her.
The thing that gets me to truly tamper with the lines of my newfound numbness is the fact that I keep looking for the best in humanity and people themselves, but I'm constantly shown the darkest sides of the both.
Maybe all of their darkness has brushed off on me....
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