"But it really fucked with me, y'know, knowing that this guy is in Los Angeles with the only woman I love, fucking her with ten and a half inches while I'm chasing her around like a puppy, doing any and everything I can to get her back. And it crushed me! It still fucking crushes me!" - Syd ("London")
The quote above is one that I can relate to on many levels. More levels than anyone can possibly know. It's one of those lines where it totally trumps pretty much all of the advice or stories that any friend has ever tried to relate to me with.
The pain of knowing that someone who was special in your life, unique in so many ways, is in love with someone else, let alone, knowing that she's sleeping with someone else, is a pain that truly doesn't think twice about stinging to the very core of a person's soul.
The sleepless nights, and the unproductive days filled with anger and despair, are only evident in a person's life when they've actually been heartbroken to such a deep and profound level that it's inconceivable to imagine being in love ever again. That's the pain I feel. Not many people can identify to what I'm saying; only a few who I've come across have been able to come close to it, or actually can.
The burning sensation of the thoughts featuring the only woman I've ever actually loved and cared for, in bed with some other guy, is one that I can't even describe. It pisses me off to the point where I.... I can't even express how pissed off I get.
Many a evening, I've sat up and thought for hours to try and rationalize how in the hell some people can be so cold. But as usual, I'm left with a mind full of empty answers to unsatisfied questions that never seem to stop bugging me.
It's messed up, fucked up, that I'm the one in every equation who's always left out. That I'm the one who's so completely undesired, while any and everybody else can find somebody to be with, no matter how fucked up they've been or the person they're with has been in the past.
But nobody loses sleep over things I do. Because nobody cares.
That's my life to the fullest, nobody cares.
I'm alone. To the simplest of facts, I am alone. In this city, in this world, in my heart.... I'm alone.
And then, here I am sitting up again, writing down on this blog all of my deepest and darkest problems and thoughts.
Another. Sleepless. Night.
The quote above is one that I can relate to on many levels. More levels than anyone can possibly know. It's one of those lines where it totally trumps pretty much all of the advice or stories that any friend has ever tried to relate to me with.
The pain of knowing that someone who was special in your life, unique in so many ways, is in love with someone else, let alone, knowing that she's sleeping with someone else, is a pain that truly doesn't think twice about stinging to the very core of a person's soul.
The sleepless nights, and the unproductive days filled with anger and despair, are only evident in a person's life when they've actually been heartbroken to such a deep and profound level that it's inconceivable to imagine being in love ever again. That's the pain I feel. Not many people can identify to what I'm saying; only a few who I've come across have been able to come close to it, or actually can.
The burning sensation of the thoughts featuring the only woman I've ever actually loved and cared for, in bed with some other guy, is one that I can't even describe. It pisses me off to the point where I.... I can't even express how pissed off I get.
Many a evening, I've sat up and thought for hours to try and rationalize how in the hell some people can be so cold. But as usual, I'm left with a mind full of empty answers to unsatisfied questions that never seem to stop bugging me.
It's messed up, fucked up, that I'm the one in every equation who's always left out. That I'm the one who's so completely undesired, while any and everybody else can find somebody to be with, no matter how fucked up they've been or the person they're with has been in the past.
But nobody loses sleep over things I do. Because nobody cares.
That's my life to the fullest, nobody cares.
I'm alone. To the simplest of facts, I am alone. In this city, in this world, in my heart.... I'm alone.
And then, here I am sitting up again, writing down on this blog all of my deepest and darkest problems and thoughts.
Another. Sleepless. Night.
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