"For every lie I unlearn, I learn something new." - Ani Difranco
It's been a short-but-interesting week for me. I finally finished up on my latest montage mini-series for In Plain Sight today, I took a city-wide test (which I was forced to take by my mom) to apply for a Court Officer position yesterday [which I'm pretty sure I didn't even pass], and I hung out with my old friend Ahsata last friday night since we hadn't seen each other in two years. It's been a memorable early winter so far; some good, some bad.
With all of my TV line-up on hiatus, I've had lots of time to straighten up my room and such other kinds of stuff. Nothing really interesting, but all of it has kept me pretty occupied for now.
Next week, I'm going to take another city-wide test that I don't even want to take, but my grandmother has somehow brainwashed my mom into force me to do. This time, it's to be an office clerk for a little more than minimum wage! (Yay! 'Cause that's really what I've always wanted to do with my life!).
I'm seriously getting very tired of my family and the way they're continuing to hijack my life and my descisions. I feel like I'm trapped in between four closing walls riddled with sharp spikes all over them. And it doesn't help that I'm beginning to lose lots of trust with some of my oldest and closest friends these days for many of my own suspicions. It's at the point now where I'm not even picking up my phone for anyone anymore.
I'm desperatley looking for a place to get away from all of these people: friends, family, you name it. I'm at a point in my life, right now, where if I don't resist everyone's counter-productive attitudes and agendas against me, I'll end up serving them, in a matter of speaking, and that's simply not acceptable to me. I can't have it.
I'm tired of everyone trying to change me all the time, I'm tired of having to prove myself time and time again, and I'm tired of everyone trying to control my life. I'm just tired of everyone, mostly. Most days, all I want to do is write my scripts, create blog montages - the artform I developed by myself, and watch some DVDs and TV in my room.
Hell, I barely ever leave my room anymore because there's always someone either begging me to do something for them, someone's bitching at me, or there's someone trying to "suggest" their ways off on me.
My question is, why can't I just be left to those few and simple joys of my life that I mentioned before, without everyone on my back all the time?
My biggest counter-complaints towards my family and friends is that they need me to do something for them all the time. There's always someone who needs my advice because they're too lazy to figure out whatever it is for themselves, all the time. And last, but not least, there's always someone who feels the need to interrupt me from my personal work, all the time.
It's funny, because as I recall, I took this year off to releax from everyone's bullshit. If anyone can remember, about a year ago, my mom and everyone else was on my ass to get out of High School (which I ended up doing on my own terms - MY own way), but as it turned out, not even that was enough to satisfy anybody in my life. It's never good enough, I swear!
It seems like wherever I go, whenever I go anywhere, there's always someone who needs SOMETHING from me all the time. It seems like no matter what day of the week it is, there's always someone who has an extremely negative comment to express towards me, (you already know it....) all the time!
And I don't mean to complain, myself, but it's just that things get to the point where I get soooo fucking frustrated.
My whole thing is: I don't bother anyone, so I just don't want to be bothered ALL the time. I mean, I'm only human.
For some reason, this moment takes me back to when my favorite teacher in the seventh grade, Ms. Watts, once confided in me when I was going through similar frustrations at school: "DaiQuan, I've noticed how your classmates tend to gravitate towards you when they've got their own problems, but it's because you seem to have an insight that they're missing."
Of course, she told me not to tell anyone else in my class, but the truth is, I just wish I didn't have to be everyone's insight.... all the time, I guess.
Some days I just want to do what makes me happy, but that doesn't seem to be a luxury of mine....
It's been a short-but-interesting week for me. I finally finished up on my latest montage mini-series for In Plain Sight today, I took a city-wide test (which I was forced to take by my mom) to apply for a Court Officer position yesterday [which I'm pretty sure I didn't even pass], and I hung out with my old friend Ahsata last friday night since we hadn't seen each other in two years. It's been a memorable early winter so far; some good, some bad.
With all of my TV line-up on hiatus, I've had lots of time to straighten up my room and such other kinds of stuff. Nothing really interesting, but all of it has kept me pretty occupied for now.
Next week, I'm going to take another city-wide test that I don't even want to take, but my grandmother has somehow brainwashed my mom into force me to do. This time, it's to be an office clerk for a little more than minimum wage! (Yay! 'Cause that's really what I've always wanted to do with my life!).
I'm seriously getting very tired of my family and the way they're continuing to hijack my life and my descisions. I feel like I'm trapped in between four closing walls riddled with sharp spikes all over them. And it doesn't help that I'm beginning to lose lots of trust with some of my oldest and closest friends these days for many of my own suspicions. It's at the point now where I'm not even picking up my phone for anyone anymore.
I'm desperatley looking for a place to get away from all of these people: friends, family, you name it. I'm at a point in my life, right now, where if I don't resist everyone's counter-productive attitudes and agendas against me, I'll end up serving them, in a matter of speaking, and that's simply not acceptable to me. I can't have it.
I'm tired of everyone trying to change me all the time, I'm tired of having to prove myself time and time again, and I'm tired of everyone trying to control my life. I'm just tired of everyone, mostly. Most days, all I want to do is write my scripts, create blog montages - the artform I developed by myself, and watch some DVDs and TV in my room.
Hell, I barely ever leave my room anymore because there's always someone either begging me to do something for them, someone's bitching at me, or there's someone trying to "suggest" their ways off on me.
My question is, why can't I just be left to those few and simple joys of my life that I mentioned before, without everyone on my back all the time?
My biggest counter-complaints towards my family and friends is that they need me to do something for them all the time. There's always someone who needs my advice because they're too lazy to figure out whatever it is for themselves, all the time. And last, but not least, there's always someone who feels the need to interrupt me from my personal work, all the time.
It's funny, because as I recall, I took this year off to releax from everyone's bullshit. If anyone can remember, about a year ago, my mom and everyone else was on my ass to get out of High School (which I ended up doing on my own terms - MY own way), but as it turned out, not even that was enough to satisfy anybody in my life. It's never good enough, I swear!
It seems like wherever I go, whenever I go anywhere, there's always someone who needs SOMETHING from me all the time. It seems like no matter what day of the week it is, there's always someone who has an extremely negative comment to express towards me, (you already know it....) all the time!
And I don't mean to complain, myself, but it's just that things get to the point where I get soooo fucking frustrated.
My whole thing is: I don't bother anyone, so I just don't want to be bothered ALL the time. I mean, I'm only human.
For some reason, this moment takes me back to when my favorite teacher in the seventh grade, Ms. Watts, once confided in me when I was going through similar frustrations at school: "DaiQuan, I've noticed how your classmates tend to gravitate towards you when they've got their own problems, but it's because you seem to have an insight that they're missing."
Of course, she told me not to tell anyone else in my class, but the truth is, I just wish I didn't have to be everyone's insight.... all the time, I guess.
Some days I just want to do what makes me happy, but that doesn't seem to be a luxury of mine....
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Montages, the artform thereof, and all subsequent works featured on this blog page are owned by DaiQuan M. Cain and are subject to copyright (#185729-V) under the U.S. Copyright Law of 1976 & the U.S. Library of Congress. Any thievery, unauthorized usage, or infringement of said work(s) and copyright(s) will result in a fine of up to $250,000 or more.