Devil’s speak.

 "The destiny I've chose is all becoming clear."-Trent Reznor

These past two weeks have made a big, big change in a lot of ways in my life.

A lot of big things happened.

A big break-up, A big transition to a new school, A big look into myself. A lot of big things have happened but in some ways, nothing has happened at all.

I haven't been able to utter out many words (Seriously. No joke.) since the whole mess with Mia but I'm coming back to myself once again.

Yep, your old buddy, DaiQuan is slowly, slowly, slowly coming back.

I've been really contemplative, of everything since all that craziness had began.

I'm not so sure I handled things as good as I should've and I don't put any blame of what happened on anybody but myself.

Everyone's been telling me that it wasn't my fault and I know in my heart, there was nothing I could do to change what happened but I just feel like I went wrong somewhere, for some reason.

The memories of every single thing I did with that girl, still make their powerful presence known in my mind every second of every day.

All the goddamn memories.

All the times in Bryant Park together. All the times at my stomping grounds at Midtown Comics together. All the times together at the movies I spent with her. All the times at Westchester Square, The Train rides and walks together....none of it meant a fucking thing to her.

I feel that things happened the way they happened for a reason. Some lesson, had to be learned, I take it. I don't know, I'm not a wizard or a god.

It's just like Jango Fett said in Attack of the Clones, "I'm just a man trying to make my way through the universe."

Still, I can't help but feel like I went wrong somewhere although, I know I'd done everything I could for her.

Meh. No grudges are held against her. I guess it was inevitable anyway but I just don't understand why it had to happen so soon.

Maybe because if it had gone on any longer, the entire thing would've been more painful. Who knows?

But the sad thing is, I learned today that she'd been cheating on me the entire time I was with her, not just from the time I'd found out. I was just too dumb to figure it all out sooner.

It's so funny because I always used to tell her that decption was her game, jokingly.

It looks like she prooved her talents true to me, once and for all.

I don't know what my game is, perhaps it's because I'm not the type to play them.

I'm nearly over it now. I've accepted that it's ended and over with but it's still just annoying to have these memories of what never was genuinley true all stuck in my mind.

It's hard to exsplain or relate to unless you've actually been through it.

I look at it now and I see that the person I was so in love with, never really existed. It kills me inside to know that nothing I'd ever said, done or helped her with ever meant anything to her. I tried though. That's all I think

I could've done but even so, there's still this feeling inside of me wondering if any of it was real at all.

Her eyes tell the entire story. I looked at a photo from when I first met her and a photo from recent and it's not the same person.

I loved her so much....beyond anything I could've thought I was able to even feel but now I see her for what she is or has become.

If there ever was anything there, I know that it's gone and gone forever, just like the girl I used to know and love. Gone. Forever.

I can't even say that it was fun while it lasted since I'm not sure if it was really there at all.

I don't know what to think about anything anymore.

Even though, I lost what was so, so, so, so, so dear to me once, I've learned how to let go and how to move on.

She was like a season, she came and went.

It's better for me this way. I'm too much of a loner to play a lover's game.

Things like that are nice. Love is nice but it's not meant for me and I'm not meant for it.

I walk through the days like I'd walk in the streets. I go forward, observe the environment around me and make my judgemts about it all when the day is done....but all that philsophical bullshit is for a different time.

The point is, I loved and lost. That's gonna be it for a while.

All this stuff has made me into a workaholic. I'm just taking these few minutes to take a break.

I wrote 92 pages of a 180 page notebook in only nine days and I can't stop.

My work is going pretty well, I've got a ton of my stories written, I've still got my friends and I've still got my Comic Book Collection....what else could I ask for???